Communication and observation: influencing the team beyond words

Many years ago, I read Nonverbal Communication by Flora Davis, and I still highly recommend it today. It was a revelation about how what we don’t say — tone, gestures, posture, breathing — can convey more than words themselves. I also studied Albert Mehrabian’s work, which shows that in emotional situations, the nonverbal part of a message has an enormous impact on how it is received. Today, there are many resources on how to communicate well: how to structure a message, choose words, and connect with the audience. But one thing is rarely addressed: the impact of when to communicate. And even more importantly: whether it really should be communicated at all. Even the best-constructed message can lose value — or generate unwanted effects — if it is unnecessary or if the context already provides the information implicitly.

In team guidance, where each person faces complex challenges every day, invisible communication — gestures, tone, energy — sustains trust, collaboration, and autonomy. But clear communication is not enough; it is also crucial to ask yourself before speaking:

• How might this sound?
• How might the team interpret it?
• Am I transmitting clarity, or pressure, or control?
• Does my message add value or create unnecessary noise?
• Is it really necessary to communicate this?
• Or does the context, environment, or organization already convey it implicitly?

As an Arab proverb says:
“If what you are going to say is not more beautiful than silence, do not say it.”

Guiding a team also involves careful observation. Leadership is not about controlling, but about offering feedback that corrects the trajectory and helps the team advance together, while ensuring a positive climate and smooth communication. The goal is to guide without imposing, support without overwhelming, and always choose the right moment and context to intervene.

An inspiring example of this comes from Kent Beck in his book eXtreme Programming Explained: Embrace Change: while learning to drive with his father, he would receive small taps on the steering wheel to correct his direction and learn to drive better. His father never shouted or acted harshly; the taps were subtle, precise, and always timely. This metaphor translates directly to leadership and team guidance: feedback given with awareness and at the right moment corrects the trajectory without breaking trust or interrupting the natural flow of the team.

Answering these questions is an act of communicative responsibility. Choosing how, when, and whether to communicate is as important as the words themselves. Sometimes, the best way to support a team is to give space, delegate communication, and allow them to train their own voice, their ability to coordinate and make decisions.

Communicating intentionally is not just about speaking better; it is about conveying security, consistency, and trust. And it also means understanding that knowing when not to communicate yet, or even whether it should be communicated at all, can be as valuable as any message.